About As Opposite As You Can Get

Wordwise is a fun game our family played together over the holidays. One of the categories players have to cover, with the shake of the 16 die containing letters, is creating a five letter word.

I was thinking about two five-letter words that could work if the right letters came up. Actually, three of the five letters of these two words are the same. But, oh, the meaning each word represents is very different. The words are g-r-i-e-f and g-r-a-c-e.

The meaning of grief and all the things that provoke grief, are far too familiar to us in this fallen world. The news is filled daily with world-wide grief-producing events. But, we don’t have to look as far out as the world to find such events. There are events that grieve us that are too local, too personal because they pertain to our own families and lives. Grief makes its way into our lives when we experience loss of any kind. We don’t have to define it – or understand it. It’s just there!

The meaning of grace is a bit more elusive. Most of us know the Biblical definition as “undeserved favor.” Gratefully, God GRACIOUSLY reached down to save us from the penalty for our sins, laying those sins on the Body of His own Son as He was nailed to and died on the cross. We certainly do not deserve such favor.

Many of us also apply the word, grace: when saying a prayer before we eat; the elegance or beauty of someone’s style, such as when they are dancing or ice-skating; or a period of time when a bill can be forgiven with no penalty.

Grace is used to define or enhance the picture of the events above, and much more. But, I like this definition:

GRACE is the influence or Spirit of God that operates in humans to regenerate or strengthen them.

And, isn’t that actually JUST what we need when we experience grief?

2 Thessalonians 2:16-17 “Now, may our Lord Jesus Christ Himself and God our Father, who has loved us and given us eternal comfort and good hope by GRACE, comfort and strengthen your hearts in every good work and word.”

THANKSGIVING - CHRISTMAS - JANUARY 1

These are three special days that bring joy and celebration to so many people. At the same time, when you’ve lost someone you love, these three days are among the holidays and other events in life that can hit you heavy and hard!

Scripture always holds healing for wounds that seem un-treatable.

Psalm 108:1-6

My heart is steadfast, God;
I will sing, I will sing praises also with my soul.
Awake, harp and lyre;
I will awaken the dawn!
I will give thanks to You, Lord, among the peoples,
And I will sing praises to You among the nations.
For Your mercy is great above the heavens,
And Your truth reaches to the skies.
Be exalted above the heavens, God,
And may Your glory be above all the earth.
So that Your beloved may be rescued,
Save with Your right hand, and answer me!

Out of the starting gate, in verse 1, David states that his heart is “steadfast.” How could that be, when David is mired in his own deep concern? It’s because David knows to go to his God, the only sure source of relief there is. He goes, perhaps in despair, but, more importantly, in hope and expectancy that God can address his anguished heart. David knows that God is the only One Who is able to help him through yet another overwhelming life circumstance.

Take note of the way David approaches God with his troubled spirit:

• Verse 1, 3 – He sings praises to God. Does that seem like a stretch, when your heart is hurting?

• Verse 3 – He gives thanks to God. Not FOR the circumstance but IN it. There is ALWAYS something for which to thank God.

• Verse 4 – In a world full of deceit, despair and disappointment, David reminds himself that there is Truth and it’s embodied in God.

• Verse 5 – David takes his mind off his own hurt when he exalts God and gives Him glory.

• And in verse 6 – David dares to believe that God can rescue him…perhaps, not from the circumstance, since some cannot be changed; but, from the despair the circumstance creates.

I invite you to do the things David did in this Psalm. Do them, even if you don’t feel like it or see no possibility for these activities making a difference in your heavy heart. Seeking God in your heartache is the only certain way your heart can be lifted, if not to celebrating a holiday, at least to daunting the pain the holiday might threaten.

Frightful Fear - HEAVENLY HELP!

This blog is for all of us who may be fearful about the present and the future, likely because of what we’ve experienced in the past. Especially when we’ve lost someone we love, the fear of it happening again is overwhelming. We now know how much it hurts and we just don’t want to feel such hurt again.

Let’s dive together into John 6:16-21. Jesus’ Disciples have just seen Him provide enough food for a very hungry group of people, 5000+ people, from a mere five loaves of bread and two fish. Not only was the hunger of all those people satisfied, but, the Disciples picked up 12 baskets full of leftovers! Then, the disciples got into a boat and set sail for Capernaum. Jesus had already left to go to a mountain to pray.

The Scripture passage lists three things that happened to the Disciples after they had JUST experienced such a miraculous event. These three things caused them to forget the amazing feat they had just witnessed and descend into very great fear:

• It grew dark. Darkness is an absence of light. Not being able to see, they experienced lack of direction and that led to anxiety and fear.

• Their captain was not with them. There was no one to steer the ship. Without help from someone in the know, they easily became afraid.

• A strong wind blew in and stirred up the seas on which they were sailing. This was, in their minds, an absolute recipe for disaster, and likely, their death. Of course, they were filled with fear. 

Perhaps this is how your grief makes you feel: NO LIGHT, NO CAPTAIN AND NO CALM! Perhaps you and the Disciples share similar feelings: “What can I do?” “I’m scared.” “I have no hope.” “Life is out of control.” “I am drowning in my circumstances.” These concerns, among others, can be a driving force to create FEAR inside of us – fear for now – fear for tomorrow!

Verse 19 tells us that, as the Disciples looked, they saw Jesus walking on the water toward them. It was still dark. He was walking against the same fearsome wind and on the same churning sea they thought would be their demise. And, He spoke to them. “It is I. Do not be afraid.” Turning from focusing on the dire circumstances, they focused on Jesus. Their fears calmed. Their Captain gave them confidence that He was in full control of the situation. They arrived safely on the other side!

When the storms of life hit our boat, we need to reach out to the One Who is in control of all things, including our loss. Verse 21 states “…they were willing to take Him into the boat.”

Be willing to remember God’s past Presence and provision in your life and trust Him to meet you in your current and future circumstances. Your Frightful Fear can then be turned around by Heavenly Help.

Faith Is Not For Nothing!

“Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” Hebrews 11:1 What a clear cut definition of the word, “faith.” In the heart and mind of God, faith is vital.

Our salvation depends upon it (Ephesians 2:8).

Then, in Matthew 9, among other places in the New Testament, the need for faith is stressed three times for individuals who were looking for physical healing. But, faith in what or in whom? In each situation (verses 2, 22 and 29), the individuals, indeed, were looking to a Person, to the One Who had the power to deliver what it was that they needed. None had another place to go. All their “eggs,” as they say, were “in one basket!”

When it comes to a heart that is broken and in need of healing, where does faith make an impact? The answer is found in James 1:2-3 “Consider it all joy, my brothers and sisters, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.”

Your heart might hurt so badly you would happily give up the benefits of encountering trials that test your faith and produce endurance. But, we don’t have a choice! We live in a fallen world so there will ALWAYS be trials, tribulations and troubles.

We don’t have to face all these alone. We have One Who knows what suffering is and is willing and able to walk with us through our own suffering. It’s this same Jesus Who gave us salvation and this same Jesus Who provided healing in Matthew 9.

When He was headed to the Cross to pay the price for our salvation, these words came from His heart, through His lips to His Father’s ears: “My soul is deeply grieved, to the point of death…My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; yet not as I will, but as You will.” Jesus was no more eager to suffer than you and I are. But, what would the outcome be if He had not?! The outcome would be that we’d live in a world of hurt where we’d have to suffer without hope. Hope for managing the pain now and hope for better things to come. Jesus suffered and surrendered, and we are eternally better for it.

And, because He did that, He can understand like no one else ever could how wearying it is to have heartache. He understood Joni Eareckson Tada’s heartache when, at age 17, she experienced a diving accident that resulted in her having to live her life as a quadriplegic. When it first happened, she argued with God about her disability. It just didn’t seem fair. After some time and looking into God’s Word, Joni surrendered her life to Him, her life with a disability and the pain that accompanied it. Joni is now celebrating her 75th birthday. Because of her surrender, because she came to the place of choosing to count this test, this trial, as joy, her faith produced endurance to the point that God has used her to touch the hearts of thousands of lives around the world.

You are experiencing your own trial.

What can you take away from all of this?

1. God knows your pain – more than that, He understands it.

2. He’s with you in it so you can endure it.

3. He can and wants to use it to allow you to see Him more clearly so that your faith and trust in Him will grow.

4. He will use your pain to minister to others.

5. You’ll be blessed and your spirit will be lifted to see that your pain has profound redemptive qualities.

I would never diminish the pain in your heart. But, I will tell you that I believe, with all of MY heart, and my own experiences, that, because of God, the heartache that is the testing of your faith can produce endurance – and so much more. Don’t miss it. Surrender to the One Who knows you best and can comfort you most.

WHY? versus WHO?

Like me, you probably asked that question again and again when we were little children; and as an adult, we hear the same questions from children in our lives. WHY? Even if the question didn’t have an answer, it was a way to keep communication going between child and adult. 

WHY? has, no doubt, been the question plaguing your mind and heart since the loss occurred that has brought you so much heartache and grief. Now, the question rides a tsunami of emotions. It tears at your heart because there really are no answers – at least any that could satisfy. Well-meaning family and friends offer suggestions to address WHY? But, in reality, they don’t really know or understand much more than you do about your loss; and maybe their answers add even more pain.

Recently, I read that WHY? has been asked 32 times in the Bible. Those asking included:

• Moses (Numbers 11:11)

• David (Psalm 10:1)

• Job (Job 3:11, 12, 20, 23)

• Jesus (Matthew 27:45-47)

There’s some comfort in knowing that we are not alone in asking the WHY? question as we grieve. However, there comes a time when it’s important to allow the question to shift from WHY? To WHO?

David, one of the people in the Bible who asked WHY? and a “man after God’s own heart,” wrote in Psalm 46:10 “Be still and know that I am God.”

God is the WHO? we trusted for our salvation and He is the Sovereign One we can trust in our sorrow. We can’t comprehend the love of God that moved Him to grant us salvation. In the same way, we can’t comprehend the mind of God that would permit or direct the loss(es) we experience. Trust is necessary in both Salvation and Sovereignty. Dive deep into His love and find there the grace to accept His plan – even when you don’t know WHY?

WHY? keeps communication between us and God going, which is a good thing. But, it can also cause us to wither. WHO? transitions us to awe and wonder. By God’s grace, make the leap from WHY? to WHO?!!!!!

The Pursuit of Peace

Peace is probably the most elusive object in grief.

Initially, you do whatever you must just to survive. Your heart is shattered and your mind is shot, yet decisions have to be made that are created by your loss. You can barely breath. You’re getting from minute to minute.

Peace for now and in the future are nowhere on your radar.

Hold on! Don’t give up! Let’s look together at II Thessalonians 3:16:

“Now may the Lord of peace Himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you.”

The fact is – there’s very little you have to do to obtain peace in your circumstance. That’s because the “Lord of Peace” will do it for you – at all times – in every way – and HE IS WITH YOU.

Here’s the little something you could do. Because He knows how much you hurt, He’s made it so easy:

• Recognize God as LORD! He’s the overseer of your loss and your recovery.

• Request that He do for you what you can’t do for yourself.

• Remember how capable He is to provide for your every need.

• Rest in knowing that He’s in control of all things, including the timing for you to know PEACE! 

Philippians 4:7 “And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”

Scrapbook Photos

Pictures of newborns, parties, graduations, family get-togethers and vacation trips are a few of the photo opportunities we love to share with others. All are filled with smiling people, enjoying the moment and making memories to enjoy in the future.

As you and I know, life isn’t all happy occasions. It also carries events that cause grief and  heartache. There is a word picture of those emotions distinctly and painfully drawn for us in Isaiah 53:  

Vs. 3 “He was despised and forsaken of men,
A man of sorrows and acquainted with grief;
And like one from whom men hide their face
He was despised, and we did not esteem Him.”

Vs 4 “…smitten of God, and afflicted…”

Vs 5 “…pierced through, crushed, scourged…”

Vs 7 “…oppressed…”

Vs 8 “…cut off out of the land of the living…”

Vs 9 “…His grave assigned with wicked men…”

Can you just see the agony on His face and the hurt in His heart? Of course, these verses and this picture are speaking of Jesus, the Incarnate God, the Creator. As you look at Him, realize  your own heartache was unbidden, certainly unwanted, but His was purposeful, so He could save us from having to personally experience the punishment for our own sins.

Does all this encourage you that YOU ARE NOT ALONE? He’s awake with you during your sleepless nights. He tenderly puts His arms around your shoulder when you’re in a group of well-meaning friends who say the wrong thing, causing you more pain. He weeps with you. He invites you to share your grief with Him for one very important reason: HE LOVES YOU. He understands your hurt like no other does. He invites you to cast your every care upon Him out of that love and understanding.

Look at the picture again. Can you see, through the horror He experienced, a peace that passes all understanding – just like YOU can experience in your heartache?!

He Leads

Psalm 23 is a favorite of many because of the confidence and hope, for now and for the future, found in the words written there, by God, through David.

I was reading that chapter again recently. When I got to verse 2, “He leads me beside quiet waters,” I was reminded that, tho’ grief continually throws us into turbulent waters, God is ever present, desirous and able to redirect us to waters that are calm, peaceful and safe.

God wrote so many other Scriptures to remind us of where we can find peace when the waters around us are turbulent. Here are just a few:

• Isaiah 26:3 The steadfast of mind You will keep in perfect peace, because he trusts in You.

• Isaiah 26:12 “Lord, You will establish peace for us…”

• John 16:33 “These things I have spoken to you so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world.”

• Philippians 4:6-7 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and pleading with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”

Until we are with our Savior forever, there will be no end of things to grieve us, no end of wave upon wave of things that could cause us to despair. Charles Spurgeon wrote, “I have learned to kiss the waves that throw me up against the Rock of Ages.” Yes, turbulence is overwhelming; but in the Presence of God, we can find “quiet waters” to keep us afloat. Spend time clinging to the Rock. The waters are quiet there.

A Much Needed Refuge

There are times, as you know, when you desperately need someone who will take the time to listen to you, show heartfelt concern toward you and offer you encouragement. You can always be certain those needs can be met by our Heavenly Father. After all, He created you, He knows your every need and He understands heartache to an extent that you and I will never know. He is a great Resource.

His Word verifies all that. We look at the Psalms quite a bit on this blog – for good reason. Let’s take Psalm 61 right now to see what we can find there that can be helpful in a time of heartache. David, of course, is the earthly writer. He, too, had firsthand knowledge of grief, loss and pain. He too, needed all the things you and I crave when we’re hurting. As you read the verses he wrote in Psalm 61:1-4, just see if you haven’t had need of the same things yourself, maybe even spoken similar words to your Father:

“Hear my cry, O God; give heed to my prayer. I call to Thee when my heart is faint; Lead me to the Rock that is higher than I. For Thou hast been a refuge for me, A tower of strength against the enemy. Let me dwell in Thy tent forever; Let me take refuge in the shelter of Thy wings.”

David knew where the refuge was in the loneliness of his grief. As you travel through the book of Psalms you can easily see that the created one knew that the Creator would meet the profound needs in his life. Don’t hesitate to go to Him yourself!

The song, This Is The Day, sung by Travis Cottrell has come to mean a lot: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0pADM2wkdGc ) Listen and be blessed – or just read the lyrics below to be reminded that you are not alone. There is a refuge in your grief.

"This Is The Day" - By Travis Cottrell, David Moffitt, and Sue C. Smith. Copyright 2008, New Spring, Cctb Music, and First Hand Revelation Music

Father, I am weary.
I am pleading
For Your mercy.
I am waiting for Your answer
And I'm struggling with surrender.
But I'm trusting
Through the darkness that surrounds.

This is the day
The Lord has made.
I will rejoice,
I will give thanks
And live my life
To bring you praise.
This is the day the Lord has made.

Father, through the shadows
I will seek You,
I will follow,
For Your glory
For Your kingdom
For redemption and for freedom;
In my weakness, through the power of the cross.

I will carry my cross and You will carry me.

Hurting? Help Is Here!

I can imagine that, with your world rocked by the loss that is grieving you deeply, you long for something that will bring you peace, comfort and stability. But, based upon Isaiah 9:6, God indicates that it’s not really SOMETHING you need. It’s SOMEONE. God’s Word is filled with reminders that HE KNOWS, HE UNDERSTANDS, HE CARES. That one verse in Isaiah alone, has four descriptive Names of God which are just what hurting hearts need:

“For unto us a child is born, unto us a Son is given: and the government shall be upon His shoulder: and His Name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, The Mighty God, The Everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace.” Isaiah 9:6

WONDERFUL COUNSELOR: A counselor can be such a help when you are grieving. A wonderful, exceptional Counselor can help so much more. Even though this Counselor urges you to talk to Him, He already knows, before you utter a word, EXACTLY what’s on your mind. And, He’ll give you counsel unlike any other is able to give. This wonderful, exceptional Counselor can encourage you in four important ways:

1. He’s ALWAYS available – no appointment needed.

   “Call to Me and I will answer you, and I will tell you great and mighty things, which you do not know.” Jeremiah 33:3

2. He knows you intimately because He created you.

   Psalm 139:1-18 (Worth the read!)

3. He hurts for you deeply.

   “As for me, I shall call upon God, and the Lord will save me. Evening and morning and at noon, I will complain and moan, and He will hear my voice. He will redeem my soul in peace from the battle which is against me…” Psalm 55:1-18

4. He loves you eternally.

   “Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good, for His steadfast love endures forever. Give thanks to the God of gods, for His steadfast love endures forever. Give thanks to the Lord of lords, for His steadfast love endures forever. To Him who alone does great wonders, for His steadfast love endures forever.” Psalm 136:1-4

MIGHTY GOD: Grief saps your energy. God’s strength is made perfect in our weakness. (2 Corinthians 12:8) Rely on Him to be able to help you do what you cannot do alone – whether the task is physical, emotional, mental, financial… “I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13

EVERLASTING FATHER: Because of your loss, you already know how fragile, how uncertain and how temporary life is. But, God is FOREVER! You need, especially now, to know that there is something/SOMEONE permanent in your life. “And the LORD is the One Who is going ahead of you; He will be with you. He will not desert you or abandon you. Do not fear and do not be dismayed.” Deuteronomy 31:8

PRINCE OF PEACE: Peace is so illusive when you are grieving. God doesn’t just make suggestions for how you can get peace. HE IS PEACE! “…the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:7

God is all this and so much more that you need in your grief. I trust you have asked Jesus, the Messiah, to come into your heart and you are partaking of all the above, and so much more, He has to offer.

“Taste and see that the LORD is good; How blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him!” Psalm 34:8

With You ALWAYS!

“…LO, I AM WITH YOU ALWAYS, EVEN UNTO THE END OF THE WORLD.” MATTHEW 28:20

Familiar words! Jesus’ words. He spoke them to His disciples just before He ascended into heaven.

The disciples had a history with Jesus: traveling with Him; witnessing His miracles; listening as He spoke God’s Truth to the masses; seeing His loving heart express empathy for the hurting people who flocked to Him; hoping against hope that He would deliver His people from the horrible, crushing rule of the Romans.

And then He died! He was gone. His death was a reality. They were left with disappointment, loneliness and fear for their very lives. After His crucifixion and before His resurrection, Jesus’ disciples retreated to an upper room, to discuss what they should do now! They had so many questions and few answers. All seemed lost - no Hope!

Then Jesus came. He came alive and He came to them. What a time of rejoicing there must have been in that room. Faith restored. Anxiety gone. The One they loved was with them again.

Before He died, He had promised that things would unfold this way; but, they basically missed it. Their finite minds had trouble understanding an infinite plan. And, so, they hurt. Oh, how they hurt.

Then, just as things seemed to be getting back to “normal” with their Friend - Who was now also their Savior - He was leaving them again; but with a promise on His lips: “…LO, I AM WITH YOU ALWAYS, EVEN UNTO THE END OF THE WORLD.” MATTHEW 28:20

It’s a promise He makes to you and me.

Like the disciples, our own loss can produce loneliness, fear, doubt, anxiety, indescribable pain -  and SO many “why” questions: “What were You thinking, God?” “Why has this happened to me?” “How can I live with my loss?” “What do I do next?” He responds, “I am with you always…” He responds with empathy - not sympathy that simply says, “I’m sorry for you,” and goes its way. Empathy says, “I’m with you.” “I feel the loss, the pain with you.” He can understand like no other because He experienced loss - BIG TIME - at the cross. His own Father turned away from His Son, because Jesus’ body was so filthy with the sins of mankind, your sins and mine, on it, that God couldn’t look at Him. I can’t even imagine Jesus’ pain at being abandoned in this way.

This is all part of God’s amazing plan - for our salvation and for the Hope of Heaven; but, also for the help we need right now. “Just as a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him. For He Himself knows our frame; He is mindful that we are but dust.” Psalm 103:13-14

He is SO with us - in understanding, in compassion, in His presence.

The disciples missed the plan. Especially, when we’re hurting, we can miss it too, and all the comfort that embracing He will be with you always can provide. That’s why I write this reminder to you - and to me!

What Do You Need When You Are Grieving?

“One who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will lodge in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the LORD, ‘My refuge and my fortress, My God, in whom I trust!’” Psalm 91:1-2

Three Names of God are listed in these two verses. Inherent in these Names are very helpful resources when loss and grief enter our lives.

• El Elyon (Most High) - There is no other God like our Most High God. He is the One and only true God. He is superior in every way. He is sovereign over all things. His strength is unmatched. HE, and He alone can give meaning to your loss. He alone can provide whatever you need in your heartache – even those things you aren’t even aware that you need!

• El Shaddai (Almighty) - God is the One who holds all power in His hand. That means all power - even over the loss that has come into your life. But, He is also the One who is going to walk with you, strengthen you, help you, and uphold you as you grieve this loss. Meditate on the One Who is with you in your heartache. 

• Yaweh (LORD) - The LORD never had a beginning and never has an end. He’s the same yesterday, today and forever. When you are grieving, life can feel like sinking sand. What a blessing the stable One, the constant One, the unchanging One, the independent One can be as you navigate loss and grief.

These verses from Psalm 91 add that the Most High, the Almighty, the LORD provides even more that our hurting hearts need: A Shelter - a home/a sanctuary; a Shadow - a hiding place; a Refuge - a place to get strong; a Fortress – safety from the battle that rages for our soul. All are so needed in troubled times.

Note, too, the first six words in verse 2: “I will say to the Lord…” God Most High, Almighty God, the LORD welcomes YOUR WORDS, YOUR LAMENT, YOUR CRIES for help. Even if you can’t utter a word aloud, He hears each word in your heart. Such intimate conversation, and through it, He offers His compassion and His loving embrace. Go to Him. Dwell in Him. Receive from Him all you need not just to survive your loss – but to thrive!!!

Welcome to 2024: A Year of Change, Concern, and Hope.

Potential for Change and Concern:          

• Economic stress

• The expansion of world-wide wars

• A Presidential election

• Individual and family health needs

• The grief of facing holidays, birth dates and other special occasions with loved ones missing.

HOPE: God is still…

… your refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. (Psalm 46:1)

… the same yesterday, today and forever. (Hebrews 13:8)

… the One Whose love for you will never end. (Jeremiah 31:3)

… faithful – He Who promised is faithful. (Hebrews 10:23)

… caring – you can cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you. (I Peter 5:7)

… able to accomplish all that concerns you. (Psalm 137:8)

… doing the impossible. (Matthew 19:26)

As you travel deeper and deeper into, and then throughout, this next year, take a deep breath every time change or concern threaten to discourage you; and remember this: HOPE in God is greater than any change or concern 2024 may bring your way.

I pray that you have a blessed year, by His grace and in His strength.

A Christmas Conundrum

This time of year produces a conundrum. JOY and SADNESS easily intermingle, especially when someone you love is no longer a part of your life because death has intervened – whether a while ago or recently. That loved one’s absence is even more keenly felt at Christmas than, perhaps, at other times of the year.

Christmas is many wonderful things. Family time is most certainly one of them. So many special activities that family members share together – shopping, making cookies, selecting and decorating the Christmas tree, singing Christmas carols... Before your loss, those things brought such great joy. Now, they are mingled with sadness.

My sister-in-law died six months ago. Her daughter chatted with my wife about the extreme pain she is feeling, six months later. She said, “I’m a mess and I don’t know why!” My wife explained that it could be because she’s facing the “Perfect Storm:” her mother’s extreme love of Christmas with all the family traditions they shared AND the fact that, generally speaking, six to nine months following the loss of a loved one produces the most intense time of grief. It’s a powerful combination that can create sadness you may have thought you’d already “conquered!”

Christmas is most certainly a time to be joyful. Jesus was born! We know well the everlasting HOPE His coming represents. But, how can you have ANY joy when your heart is broken? The answer is - through Scripture, my friend. Joy, comfort, hope, encouragement, the healing of your heart - everything you need is found in God’s Holy Word.

Psalm 51:12 reminds us, about the “joy of our salvation.” Nothing can rob the child of God of THAT joy. Not even the loss of the dearest on earth to you. The context of that plea for joy, in Psalm 51:12, is that David’s spirit was troubled because of his sin. Joy is definitely illusive when our hearts are separated from God because of unconfessed sin. But, joy is illusive in heartache, as well. Think of Joseph in Matthew 1:19-25. Joseph was in deep despair. The one he was about to marry was pregnant – but not with HIS child. Oh, the heartache and pain of such a situation! Yet, when the angel spoke these words to him, “Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife; for the Child who has been conceived in her is of the Holy Spirit. She will give birth to a Son; and you shall name Him Jesus, for He will save His people from their sins.” Joseph, naturally, was puzzled, maybe still sorrowful, but, he chose to believe the words of God spoken through the angel. He chose to trust God for HIS plan.

In your heartache, God’s words can speak comfort and encouragement.

• I Peter 5:7 “…casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.”

• Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”

• Psalm 56:8 "Record my misery; list my tears on your scroll—are they not in your record?"

• Psalm 34:18 "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

• Psalm 145:14 “The Lord upholds all who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down."

• Revelation 21:4 “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."

• Psalm 30:5 “Weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.”

As you wash your broken heart with God’s Word, you will still have questions, disappointment, maybe some confusion concerning your loss; but, even with all that, your sadness and sorrow can be turned to joy. After all, the One Who created you; Who knew, before you did, what would break your heart; Who is with you IN the heartache; and Who has plans for your good was born in a manger so you might have the joy of your salvation – and you might have joy every day of your life here on this earth, even if it’s mingled with sorrow.

THANKFUL!

The Apostle Paul was in a Roman prison “by the will of God.” (Colossians 1:1) Why in the world would it be God’s will for one of His children - a valuable preacher who was unashamed to share the Gospel no matter where he was, who impacted so many lives for Jesus Christ wherever he went – why would God have him confined to a dark, damp, dirty, tiny prison cell? God’s ways sometime baffle us, don’t they?!

And, another question: how is it that Paul could write in Ephesians 5:20, under such dire circumstances, “Always giving thanks for all things…”

And, one more question: How can you and I live out those same incredible words in OUR hurtful situations?

Think about this. Paul doesn’t end his statement with “Always giving thanks for all things…” He goes on to write, “…in the Name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God, even the Father.”

Friends, there is great help and hope as we look at the totality of the words in that verse that can enable us to give thanks no matter what we are facing in our lives. And, I am very aware that some things we face are unspeakably painful! Nevertheless, think on the following Names Paul lists in this verse:

LORD – The Bible states many times throughout its pages indications that HE is in charge of ALL THINGS! Nothing takes our Lord by surprise. GIVE THANKS FOR THAT.

JESUS CHRIST – Jesus, leading up to and on the cross went through absolute torture of mind, body and spirit. He faced physical and emotional pain unlike anything you and I will ever have to experience. He faced injustice and betrayal. We might face some of these things – but all of them – at once?! He also faced separation from His Heavenly Father. He did that – willingly - for you and for me. He understands us in our pain like no other is able to do. GIVE THANKS FOR THAT.

GOD – Your Creator! He formed you with purpose. He attached meaning to your pain long before the circumstance occurred that prompted that pain. He has given you gifts to be able to minister to others, even in your pain. He provides His love and grace to you as you surrender your loss and the feelings associated with it to Him. GIVE THANKS FOR THAT.

FATHER – I love the way Paul included this word, this Name in this verse. What an encouraging, meaningful tie the Father has given you with Him from His heart directly to yours. You are His child, by faith in His Son, and, as such, He is your Father. As your Father, He offers His loving embrace and welcomes you into His arms anytime, all the time. GIVE THANKS FOR THAT.

Even when your heart is sorrowful, it IS possible to GIVE THANKS! And, amazingly, in doing it, you will feel healing taking place for your hurt. Only God could provide something so contradictory to be so helpful.

Need Encouragement?

In these times, who does NOT need encouragement – and hope and joy and peace and truth!

I ENCOURAGE you to look with me at Romans 15:4-13 where we find all of the above addressed.

Verse 4: Paul writes, “For whatever was written in earlier times was written for our instruction, that through perseverance and ENCOURAGEMENT of the scriptures, we might have hope.”  There is overwhelming evidence that we can be ENCOURAGED through the Word of God, cover to cover!

Verses 4, 12, 13: HOPE is expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen. It’s interesting that the word “HOPE” appears three times in just this passage, alone, assuring us that our desperate need for HOPE can also be met in the scriptures.

Verse 13: Gratefully, JOY is not dependent on our circumstances; but on trusting Him, our Creator, the Lover of our souls, the One Who is always trustworthy.

Verse 13: PEACE is available in the same One in Whom we have JOY. Notice in this verse that both JOY and PEACE are found only in - believing. Believing what – or whom? Believing in God – and God alone! JOY and PEACE can’t be manufactured in any other way than depending on God, His character, His love and what only He can produce in the heart and mind of His child.

Verse 8: TRUTH! Whose TRUTH? Yours? Mine? Those with whom you interact in the community or marketplace? That “truth” fluctuates! God’s TRUTH is everlasting. He doesn’t waiver with circumstances, situations, culture, feelings. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. His promises never fail.

Be ENCOURAGED, my friend. Whatever is hurting your heart today – be ENCOURAGED, have HOPE, find JOY, PEACE and TRUTH – all in the precious Word of God.

The Greatest!

I Corinthians 13 is the well-known “love chapter” in the Bible. Those thirteen verses present a guide for living in a very unloving world. Paul ends the chapter using three key words: Faith, Hope and Love.

FAITH. Throughout Scripture we are invited to see the SOVEREIGNTY OF GOD. HE is in control. Nothing escapes His eye. He knows you and me intimately (Psalm 139). He is the Creator, Sustainer and Ruler over all matters in our lives. Jesus’ words to His disciples just before His ascension were “ALL authority in heaven and on earth was given to me.” (Matthew 28:18) Trusting in His Sovereignty is very comforting and freeing.

Faith that He is Sovereign leads to HOPE. The hope is that He has a plan constantly at work in your behalf through whatever affliction He has allowed or directed to come into your life, and that plan is not meant for disaster but is intended “to give you a future and a hope!” Only the Sovereign God could bring something good out of the worst thing that could happen in your life!

FAITH believes that God is in control. If you can embrace that truth, it can relieve a lot of stress and heartache. HOPE provides encouragement when you see that He has a plan, even tho’ YOU might not be able to see it clearly. But, the third word is the clincher! LOVE. God’s love – His unconditional, incomprehensible, unchanging love undergirds all He does and all we experience. And, gratefully, NOTHING we experience can separate us from His love. (Romans 8:38-39) That’s why, in the Love Chapter Paul says, of the three words, “love is the greatest.”

May FAITH, HOPE and GOD’S LOVE provide you with all the confidence and courage you need to be able to navigate your grief journey.

WAITING

Do you have a hard time waiting for       

                a traffic light to turn to green from red?

a reply from a text you sent?

                the anticipated arrival of a special occasion or

                                a loved one’s visit?

Most especially, what about waiting for grief over the loss of your loved one to ease?

Take a look at the well-known Psalm 119, especially verses 81 and 82:

                “My soul languishes for Thy Salvation. I wait for Thy Word.           

                “My eyes fail with longing for Thy Word, while I say ‘When wilt Thou comfort us?’ ”

Perhaps you look at these words and say to yourself, “That’s ME!”

The Psalmist also had a hard time waiting. Let’s take a look at where he goes for an answer to his pressing question, “When wilt Thou comfort (me)?” Two times he expresses the pathway that leads to help. “I wait for Thy Word; and “My eyes fail with longing for Thy Word.”

In Psalm 119, the longest chapter in the Bible, coming in at 176 verses, only three verses do not include thoughts relating to God’s Word (verses 90, 122 and 132). God speaks “loud and clear” throughout His Word, including in this longest chapter in the Bible, to tell us that He cares and that there is a place of refuge to go in our anxious waiting. It’s to Himself, through reading the Words He spoke long ago, Words that can still touch the deepest wounds of our hearts at this immediate moment.

As hard as it is sometimes, when our hearts are broken, to read ANYthing, including God’s Word, the Bible is the place to find answers, hope, strength and comfort. While you wait for your grief to ease, don’t neglect this amazing gift from God. You’ll find yourself, in your waiting for relief, able to believe the words of Frank Graeff in his hymn, “Oh, yes, He cares; I know He cares, His heart is touched with my grief; When the days are weary, the long nights dreary, I know my Savior cares.”

Why Was It?

Satan is an unrelenting foe. He tried so hard to be disruptive throughout Jesus’ earthly life. Then, in final acts of desperation, this enemy moved in the hearts of:

            ten of his disciples to desert Him,

            another disciple to deny Him,

            and yet another to betray Him.

He manipulated

            leaders of the Jews to sneer and spit at Him,

            soldiers to mock and beat Him,

            those in Roman authority to convict and sentence Him to death on a cross,

            onlookers to gawk at Him,

            a criminal, dying by His side, to verbally abuse Him.

For more than three hours, the sinless Son of God, willingly, took upon Himself the sinfulness of all humanity, those whom HE actually created. And, then, a final ENORMOUS blow to the Savior: because of the sins of mankind that were laid on His body on the cross, His Holy Heavenly Father, not able to look upon sin, forsook His own and only Son, Jesus.

So…why was it? How could all this happen to Jesus?

The answer lies in the incredible, overwhelming, indescribable LOVE OF God. He was willing for His Son to experience horrible suffering while He lived on this sin-sick earth, and then to die in our place.

Dear Reader, your loss, grief, pain and despair is GENUINELY understood by Jesus. Because He experienced these things personally, He can offer to each hurting heart - peace, comfort and healing. I encourage you to read this very familiar Scripture text again, slowly and carefully. Let Him speak to your brokenness. Feel His warm embrace. As you contemplate how very much He loves you, offer Him your praise and thanksgiving. It just might make your Easter even more meaningful.

Isaiah 53:3-7a “He was despised and abandoned by men,
A man of great pain and familiar with sickness;
And like one from whom people hide their faces,
He was despised, and we had no regard for Him.

“However, it was our sicknesses that He Himself bore,
And our pains that He carried;
Yet we ourselves assumed that He had been afflicted,
Struck down by God, and humiliated.

“But He was pierced for our offenses,
He was crushed for our wrongdoings;
The punishment for our well-being was laid upon Him,
And by His wounds we are healed.

“All of us, like sheep, have gone astray,
Each of us has turned to his own way;
But the Lord has caused the wrongdoing of us all
To fall on Him.

“He was oppressed and afflicted…”

How Did He Do It?

In Mark 4:36-39, we find Jesus and the disciples in a boat, crossing a lake, better known as The Sea of Galilee. It had been a busy teaching day for Jesus. He was exhausted. So, He went to the stern of the boat with a rower’s leather pelt for a pillow. He slept soundly.

A furious storm came up. It sent water crashing over that boat. Although many of the disciples had been fisherman and were quite used to boating and fishing on stormy waters, they panicked.

Jesus slept. The disciples panicked. What made the difference?

In verse 38, the disciples called Him “Teacher.” They knew that about Him but not too much more. Their understanding of Jesus was minimal. They knew enough to want to follow Him, but it wasn’t because they realized Who He was. They were drawn to His teaching and His miracles but their shallow understanding of Who Jesus was caused them to give way to fear and panic when the waters got rough. They hadn’t gone deep enough with Jesus to realize that it was Jesus and His Father Who had created and were in control of the very waters that now spilled into the rocking boat. Jesus could sleep because He had calm assurance that everything was under control. The disciples saw the storm – not their Savior – and they panicked.

Now, here we are – you and me! Perhaps, in the midst of the worst storm in our lives, be it physical, emotional, mental or spiritual, when fear and doubt wash over us, what can we do? We can look at the calm, serene Savior and remember Who He is and that HE IS IN CONTROL! Because we’re His, we can rest in His outstretched arms which offer us comfort, peace and security. The deeper we delve into Him and avail ourselves of His strength and grace, the more we exercise our trust of Him in our storms, the more quickly we will take our eyes off our rocking boat and avoid panic. We can rest.

Sail on, dear friend. Sail on in the confidence that your Heavenly Father is very much aware of your storms and will call out in the midst of them, “Be still (Be muzzled)!”